Let's start something new..

Ekk, its almost been a year since I have wrote in this blog!
Well a lot as transpired since then. Like, up and buying our van to live in! We converted it and have been living/traveling in it. Such a great learning experience. Taught me a lot about myself and my relationship with Andy.

While enjoying our vagabond/gypsy lifestyle we got stopped in our ski tracks with injuries. I fell while skiing and Andy fell while climbing. Luck has such a funny way in our lives..With a torn ACL and a non-displaced calcaneus injury, we were done with the season.
We are now recovering in Port Angeles. This has been a tough road for the both of us. I have never had an injury that has completely shut me down.

Well here we are almost May and summer is approaching fast! Andy is heading to Stehekin next Saturday and I start working in Olympic National Park on the 31st! Time flies when life is chasing you...

Weeks feel like years..Or maybe days?

Two weeks ago I was sitting in my computer chair looking at random stuff on the internet. Sherm was free to come in and out from the house as he pleased. I had the door open for him. He came in the house about every 20mins to "check in" meaning he wanted to be fed ha. He loved food almost as much as the birds that tweeted outside our our house. It feels good to write about Sherm, even if no one ever reads this. It feels good to let out these words that are too hard to say out loud.

Washing all my belongings has been hard for me. I take one thing at a time and carefully wash it with my own two hands, and those two hands helped build our house to become a home. And now our home is gone. Its a sad feeling wiping black shit from everything that you worked so hard for and putting so much time into. I miss home, I miss just being by myself in my home, listing to my music, laying in our bed and being with Sherm. I know that home is where your loved ones are, yet there is truth in that saying I know that having a home can mean the world to you.

Andy is leaving this coming week and that is going to be so hard for me. I have done the long nights away and days without seeing him. Its just going to be different than before. No Sherman to sleep with me is going to be the toughest part...

Day Dreams

I am not a very good writer, and occasionally ask Andy and the people in my life how to spell words ha. What I am trying to get at is, I need people. Its a weird feeling to loose everything but have so much. I knew that I had good people in my life, I just didn't realize how good they are. People are amazing. They make you sad, they encourage you they disappoint you and they love you. All these things are just the few guarantees in knowing people. 

Lately I can't remember my dreams. I usually come to work explaining to Elisha that I just had the most crazy, outrageous dream. Ya know the kind, crazy fish swimming in your house eating your food out of your cupboards. Normal right? If ya know me, you know that I have weird ass dreams. Now can't remember a damn thing. Just wake up and go...Go where? In my parents living room or back into bed. Not sure these days. Both sound like a good place to daydream.

Day 1

I all can remember is the fire trucks parked out front of my house. Can't even remember the drive to my house from the ice cream shop. Sherman was the only thing on my mind, I wanted so much for him to have escaped. The ground was cold and my body was on fire, I couldn't stop the shaking in my hands and legs. Everyone around me had sorrow in their eyes and words distant from their mouths. The words that the fireman spoke to me hunts me everyday since then. Everyone that has ever lost someone in a accident evolving professionals, knows the sentence that goes something like this...Sorry your "blank" didn't make it. Kapper had to keep me from falling to the ground. It didn't process to my brain, I couldn't believe that 10 hours earlier I was showing how Sherm could lay down on command. I walked out my door not knowing I would never again touch his soft fur, or tell him how much he helped me through the long nights while Andy was away. People might just think that animals are pets and have no effect on people, but I have no doubt in my mind that Sherman made me a better person. He taught me how to be alone without human companionship, he taught me patience even though he woke me up at ungodly hours of the night. Most of all he taught me unconditional love. He loved me no matter what. I want to love like my Sherman loved.